Oh where to begin. I’m 28 TODAY! Yay! So blessed to have come this far. It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged and I was originally going to start back up again after the first of the year but I thought why not today. It’s my birthday, a new year, a new chapter in my life and a lot has happened, so today is as good a day as any!
One of the reasons I love to blog and write is I think that it’s important to share our stories with one another. No matter what it may be there is always someone else who is going through the same things you are, you are never alone, and If my writing and my words can touch the heart of another person than my job is done. This is how we connect with each other, whether we are friends or strangers, our lives are intertwined. Our purpose is to lift one another up and bring joy and truth to one another and if my words and my stories and my struggles can do that for someone else than it’s more than I could ever hope for! To be honest I’m not sure many people even read my blogs… But here it goes…
I’ve been struggling a lot since this summer after I had a major health scare. I developed some pretty bad mild anxiety and occasional panic attacks as a result. I’m perfectly physically healthy but it did a number on my mind. In fact looking back, I’ve always had some anxiety and it’s progressively gotten worse over the past few years and then after this summer it blew up in my face. I tried dealing with it on my own, with the support of my family and close friends but to no avail I didn’t feel as if I was moving forward. It wasn’t until September when I had a major panic attack that I knew something had to change, because I didn’t want to be stuck in this “feeling” any longer.
I’ve always considered myself a stable person but I no longer felt in control, in fact I felt completely out of control. Like I couldn’t control my mind and my thoughts. Anxiety is a scary thing when it overwhelms you on a daily basis. I found a wonderful Christian counselor who I’ve been seeing on a regular basis and since the physical symptoms had gotten so bad my doctor, and my husband and I decided to try a low dose anti-anxiety medication for awhile to allow my body and mind rest and calm down. I’ve never been a big proponent of medication, but I do believe that they are necessary sometimes and do a lot of good for a lot of people. I’m not ashamed for taking them, I don’t feel like I need to hide it, but I also feel like not everyone understands and there seems to be a lot of stigma about them sometimes. Everyone goes through struggles and occasionally we just need a little extra help.
I also started to really dig into the Bible more so than I ever have before. I grew up in a Christian home, I go to church every Sunday, I help out in ministry and believe whole heartedly in God and Heaven and that everything the Bible says is 100% true. However, I’ve never been really good at reading the Bible on a regular basis and until recently I never realized that I didn’t have that “deep” relationship with God. In fact I think I took it for granted (unintentionally) all these years. Every morning these past few months I do my daily Bible Study before I even get out of bed. I have deep prayer time with God through out the day and pray more than I ever have before in my life. I don’t believe God gives us these struggles but I do believe that he uses them as a teaching and learning experience for us and to help us realize we need him more than anything else in our lives. We need his strength because we can’t do it on our own and if I had tried I don’t think I would be where I am right now. It’s the one CONSTANT in my life that gives me ultimate hope and faith that things will be better, this is only a trial, a stepping stone in better things to come. This too shall pass!
I do feel like God has been using this as a huge learning experience for me. I’m learning to trust him more, have more faith in him and in myself and most importantly to relinquish control and realize that HE is in control and that is all the hope we need. I, like many humans am a control freak and that’s not always bad, but I’m not in control of my life, GOD is and I want him to have control because frankly I would be a mess without his love and guidance. Over the past few months I’ve been searching, and researching ways to overcome and RID myself of my anxiety, until yesterday. I had a great session with my counselor, who always prays at the end of every session which makes my heart happy. She started to make me look at what I was going through a little differently. Instead of FIXING my anxiety try ACCEPTING it and instead of praying for complete healing and for God to get rid of it, why not pray for him to help me ACCEPT my anxiety, to have courage and strength to DEAL with it, and for the WISDOM to know that these are just feelings, they DON’T control me, I control my thoughts and my feelings by what I fill my mind with, and that is TRUTH that comes from HIM! My anxiety won’t kill me, it can’t over take me unless I allow it too. My current Bible Study is Me, Myself and Lies ~ A Thought Closet Makeover. I encourage all you ladies to check it out. Religious or not it’s a great study!!! Filling our minds with truth and positivity is what makes us stronger and more courageous and more joyful!
It’s been a long, exhausting journey and it’s not over yet. But I have TRUE HOPE! This won’t last forever, and some days seem harder than others, but with his truth and love and wisdom we can overcome anything. We all have a purpose or we wouldn’t be here, we all have infinite worth to God who loves us more than anyone can fathom. No matter where you are in life, or the things you’ve done, or will do, HE LOVES YOU and that my friends is real TRUE LOVE, TRUE HOPE, ETERNAL LIFE, and all you will ever need!
Thank you to all of my family and friends who have supported me during this trial. It’s a new year, a new chapter and a new hope in my life and this is my starting point!
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
LIVE ON PURPOSE!!!!!!!